Losing support

It looks to me that it doesn't prosper  me to try to get ahead and conquer my illness.  In fact; just the opposite is true..  This was my day to be taken to the food bank by Sharon, and at first everything seemed all right.  And it was until we arrived home and I mentioned that I'd call her again for next month's trip.  She totally surprised me by saying that she would no longer be helping me out in the future; that I could not be pampered any more (pampering would keep me in need of health care as well as not making any effort to get better!)  I told her I'm NOT getting better; I'm still only sleeping one or two hours every night...and it's really affecting my mental state.....tough tittie.she said I'd have to find my own way to the food bank or doctor's appointments..anything.....no more pampering.  I know this is because the system is failing, not enough money to sustain it......she didn't even take me to Tim's for the last time.. What am I supposed to do without a worker to be there for me?  All along, all through the years I've had helpers...some I liked, some I didn't, but they were there for me.  They don't care what happens to me or the rest of the clients; we're not family or close friends.  I found this so disheartening that I cried when I made it into my apartment.  It hardly seems fair.  I guess they'll have a whole lot of sick people then, and all with no one to rely on.
Also I have somethng else on my mind; it's my throat.  Been bothering me for at least a week; it's very sore and making it hard for me to swallow, and sometimes it chokes me off (as if it's swollen tonsils) and I feel like I'm going to choke to death......I figured this was important enough to call Dr Digby so I did and I'll be seeing him tomorrow.  I imagine he'll be sticking that probe down my throat but it needs to be done.  I hope it's nothing serious!  I'm going up on the bus and since it looks like rain we'll (Rowena's coming with me) we;ll more than likely have to call a taxi.  I hate it when we have to spend out good money like that.

It's the funniest thing; since I changed the living room by getting rid of the old sofa and bringing in the old chair Paulused to sit in I could feel his presence around me.....Honestly! I felt like I'd turn around and there he'd be!  I'm doing a major reno on the room...I'm going to get a LazBoy chair, the sooner the better and then I'll return the chair to the lounge...I'm looking forward to getting the LazBoy so when I sit on it I can stretch my feet out and relax.  I have lots of people out scouting around for me; I told them I'd be willing to come up as far as $100; it's worth it to get a good quality one.  After that I want to purchase a new computer chair..this one is old and doesn't have much covering on the seat..if I sit too long I wind up nursing a SORE ass.  The apartment feels different even now; just think of how it's going to feel when I get it finished.  I'm so grateful I have this project to look ahead to!  I thank God for this; it will help me through some disappointing days!