Beginning my Blogging Journey

For more years than I care to count I've been keeping extensive journals which were invaluable in charting the course of my illness (bipolar disorder) and then going and throwing them all out!!!!  Blogging was suggested to me, and as long as my computer holds up I should be able to keep these writings and be able to refer to them when needed.  I plan to drop in every day and jot a few lines about whatever is on my mind at that time.
For the past few weeks I've been fighting mood swings again after being perfectly level since my last hospital stay in 2007; it felt great being "happy" all the time but it was also inappropriate at times such as when my husband passed away; I felt as though my emotions were frozen. I didn't like that aspect at all.  Still, I forged on taking my meds properly each day; it was far better feeling great all the time than allowing myself to sink into depression.  Anyway, 3 months ago (I chart my moods daily.tremendous help) I started to swing..not so bad at first but as each period of swinging struck it was with more intensity and power.  Now I'm reverting back to how I was before going to the hospital.  The changes that attack me are almost too hard to bear......and I think I've driven (or am driving) one of my very best friends away, and that hurts.  Here's the dilemma:  I don't want my meds increased because I've already gained more weight than I cared to already from taking those meds; I can't chance putting on more pounds!  Secondly I DON'T want to return to hospital because the first thing they would do to me is force me to have ECT (shock treatments)..I had enough of those to last a lifetime and believe me, I'm terrified of them!!!!!  So I need to work out my problems here at home; I do have lots of Rivotril around to take when the going gets too hard.  The main issue is that I pray I don't start acting up and driving even more people away....I lost many friends, good friends over the years because of this wretched illness.  I have my own apartment, my independence (which I treasure) and I can't allow this illness to wreck all that.....if I can get my Psychiatrist to increase my Wellbutrin (anti depressant) that would be fine; it doesn't cause weight gain.  The others (Clozaril, Lithium) do.  My appointment with her is in October.  She doesn't really know me 'cause she's new ( I only had her for 2 sessions).  I hate that.  Changing doctors after having them for years and a great relationship is developed; then they wrench them away and you're left to start over which is difficult for me.  I'm kind of depressed today, not too much that I can't handle, and I'd rate my mood at maybe a -2.