Blogging again

This is weird, I tried to access the site different ties and couldn't....I think a lot of it was due to my mind not thinking clearly...I hate it when my mind isn't working as it should...it can also get me into a lot of trouble if I'm not careful...Thankfully, my life is running along smoothly......if not happily.....Donnie and I are still an item...this weekend will make it two months.....hard to believe, isn't it?  I honestly didn't think I'd ever find someone..goes to show, no one can tell how life is going to go.......sometimes we can get a wonderful surprise.....this makes up for all the hell I went through with this illness and all the shit I had to endure in order to level my moods and give me a taste of what normality is like...my sex life has even come back!  I remember shutting Paul off in 2005....poor man...I had no reason other than being repulsed by him....I know I didn't love him for a long time but I sure tried.....now I'm making up for lost time I guess....plus I need the closeness.....yes, life is sure funny......I had some trouble with my moods back at the beginning and I was scared that I was getting sick again...but I was told it's completely normal to feel like that when you find  someone to date and love, whatever....LOVE is a strong word.....I like Donnie a whole lot....a WHOLE lot but time will turn it to love.....I want to know he loves me too before I "commit"..not commit as to getting married, but as in opening that last lock I have on my heart...the one I put there to protect myself from getting hurt (and sick) again....it's been there for many years.....I am not planning to EVER marry; I can't live with anyone, too unpredictable.......and once a man marries you he somehow becomes lord and master and you have to do everything he wants OR ELSE!!!!  some parts of marriage are okay but I choose to remain single and live my life the way I want.....selfish? maybe, but I just can't take the chance.....besides, Donnie went through two divorces himself so what is HE like to live with????  I prefer to date him and overlook his faults....we all have them...I have plenty myself....so we should take the best and leave the rest (if it isn't hurting anything)..anyway it sure feels great to go out and have a man on my arm....we've been walking the train bridge the last three weeks.....now that warmer weather is here we choose to walk rather than go to the legion..I LOVE walking, getting out in the fresh air and exercising.....we spend time at Tim Horton's too OF COURSE....even got out driving last Sunday despite the pouring rain...I love our drives.....conversation seems to come easier when we're driving along in the car....   my moods are level now (except maybe when we're being close and snuggly..) but that's DEFINITELY normal.....One concern:  I have an appointment with Dr Digby this Wednesday....they found an elevated level of creatna in my regular blood work...creatna  is produced by the kidneys so it's making me wonder....I had to go back last week for more blood work and also produce pee in a bottle.....I'm hoping and praying it's nothing serious......I have lots of good living ahead of me!!!!!