Feeling a little blue

I can't seem to get my mind working enough to write anything tonight but I'm going to because I have thoughts that I need to get out........and no, I haven't been dumped by Donnie.....nothing like that......YET...(in fact I wonder what the hell he even sees in me....maybe a good source for a piece of tail....I look good in the darkness..)  It didn't help that Rowena called today.....I miss her so bad it hurts.....Apparently she's coming home Monday..she and Art will be flying...they need to get all their stuff packed up and moved...accounts transferred..etc...ect...they plan to stay a little while; until all their business is seen to....could be a while....hopefully I'll get to spend lots of time with Rowena before she leaves for good.  I so hate the thought of her going and it hurts....we did so much together and now it seems as if a knife has been driven into my heart...I NEVER thought she'd leave us.....goes to show...a person can't predict life..life is like an ocean....the tide brings things in and the tide takes things out....that's how life goes.....I'm losing Rowena but for now I have Donnie, and I still have Nancy.....dear Nancy; she and I have been best friends since 1994 when I first started going to the centre....this is why I treasure the times I spend with my loved ones.....I could lose any of them at any moment....that's life.....could change at any time......I will definitely miss Rowena once she's gone...we were starting to do some interesting and fun things..all of us....she, Nancy and I...oh well....maybe some other things will open up for me.....one never knows!  I wish I weren't so damn ugly and fat.....it does very little for my self esteem (what little I do have)......what the hell does Donnie see in me other than someone to ride.....I know he cares but WHY?  why would ANYONE care about a piece of trash like me?